"Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." (2Corenthians 5:17)

Entering into the wilderness: After my giving up of all of my material possessions, even myself to Jesus, I decided to move and live at the Church's building, a little bit far away from the distractions of the world and its pollution. Thus without realizing it ahead of time, that was my entering into a 'special' wilderness, not of sand and waste, but of quietness, isolation, loneliness and emotional storms time to time.  

Long waiting: I spent a long time in my wilderness, wandering between all sorts of emotions and feelings, and waiting for God's answers to my specific crucial needs and expectations. According to my logic those needs were: an open door for ministry and work, paying my debts, getting a new and clean identity as a Christian and hopefully a strong Christian wife who can be my assistant and helper. But according to God, His priorities were totally different than mine. For about three long and painful years, He didn't grant me any of those wishes, instead, each time I made an attempt to reach one of them and to find my own way for exit, He blocked it and drove me back to the center of my wilderness.  

God's priority: It took me so long to begin to realize and to understand how God sees, thinks and values things. While I was mainly focussing on things and how to get them done, His first priority was the being (me), who is destined to spend eternity with Him, not the things that will end up perishing one day.  

Purpose: After spending a while in my wilderness and beginning to get used to it, things began to get clear in front of my eyes and I began to understand God's purpose for having me there. The wilderness experience served as: 

* A place of rest where my life had to get into real order and where I have to be content in enjoying what I have with thanksgiving. A place of refuge and waiting upon Him and letting Him be the master who is in control. 

* A clinic where I had to go through some inner surgeries and where I had to get healing so that I can become a useful vessel of God.  

* A seminary school where I had to be thought and instructed according to God's word, disciplined according to His ways and trained according to His will before I could be sent for any commission for anything and to anywhere.

Provision: In His faithfulness and unfailing love, the Lord was always with me in the wilderness and taking care of all of my needs. He never failed me once in supplying my daily bread, for my body and for my soul and spirit. He also provided me the necessary materials and instruction tools. He surrounded me with some of His angels to watch over, minister and protect me from any harm or trap of the enemy.  

Lessons: As I began to practice my walk with the Lord Jesus, He began to teach me many lessons that I can't list in a single paragraph but perhaps in several pages. However, all of those lessons can be outlined in the following points: 

* God is great and awesome in everything He does and in all His ways. He is the only one who is sinless, holy, pure, wise, perfect and unchangeable. Only Him deserves thanksgiving, praise and glory.  

* We are sinful, weak, poor and complex creatures. We can't stand by ourselves, but we daily need God, His mercy, love, provision and guidance. Whenever we try to rely on ourselves we only head toward self-destruction. 

* All the other people are like us. Whether they are carnal Christians or unbelievers, we shouldn't look down on them or whether they are mature and godly leaders, we shouldn't exalt them nor expect them to be better than any humans.  

Warnings: To become a disciple of Christ has some conditions and restrictions, in my case, the Lord gave me three specific warnings to always consider and even to admonish others about them. 

* Faithfulness (Rev.2:10): We should love God and observe His first major commandment. No matter what kind of temptation, pressure or torture we may have to pass through, we should remain faithful to Him and overcome the enemy.

* Adultery (Pro.7): Avoiding adultery and lust is one of the major steps to keep our body (temple) clean and pure so that God can dwell among and in us.  

* Pride (Jam.4:6): The Bible says that God gives grace to the humble but opposes the proud. Pride is one of the deadliest enemies we have in life. I have seen several people captured and became slaves of it. It also often follows success, even though if the achieving is a task from God.

Mistakes and sins: I would be a hypocrite if I mention in my present testimony only the good things about myself and about Christians but hide the bad ones. Actually, Christianity is not a matter of showing how good we can be, instead it is having the courage to face, confess and expose what is still dark inside us as mere beings. Even though after I became a born again Christian who is filled by the Holy Spirit, I still found myself struggling with sins and committing numerous mistakes. I had verbal fights with several people, I caused at least a Christian to stumble and fall from God, I rebelled against my pastor and Church, I hold bitterness toward some brothers, and I lied at least once… For a while and whenever, I realized that committed a sin I felt ashamed of myself and of being called God's child and a Spirit filled believer. For long time, I couldn't understand how I have fallen into such traps when I have been called to be holy and to behave and act in godly manners, not fleshly and carnal ones! It was after years that I began to comprehend the answer and that Christianity is a matter of brokenness before the Living God and overcoming our sinful nature, not a matter of showing of our self-righteousness and pride before Him and also before other men. Now and especially when I see or hear about a Christian or even a church fall into a trap of sin, I can put myself in their shoes, identify with them and have compassion on them instead of accusing and blaming them. Now I see those sins as an extended grace from the Lord, which allows us to learn lessons through personal experiences. Furthermore, I realized that while we are still here on this earth in this present age, we are still in the training school, not graduated yet. Otherwise, we should be already with the Lord in heaven!  

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